he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
being pregnant is like rehab
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
