I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
