she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
