I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
