Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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