my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
