Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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