Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I could fuck to npr.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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