I wish they made helmets for livers.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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