She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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