I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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