shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
