remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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