Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
