Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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