you guys were way drunker than both of me
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
