cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
