she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Randomize
