Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
no you cant smoke seaweed
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
