I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Please, let me fuck your mom
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
