Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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