She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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