I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
