This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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