Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
