i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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