If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
