if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
