It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
