Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
