i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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