so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
And then he peed in my hair
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