Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
