New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
