I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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