She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
