just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
