I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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