I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
