would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
