I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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