This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
