I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
