The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
