omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
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