if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
