he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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