I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
