your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
