if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
