mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
