Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
