Ambien. No doubt about it.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
