I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
