I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
