Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
