And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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