I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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