I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
