If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
