he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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