So drunk its hurt
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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