you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
