Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
