Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
