I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
