I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
and you fell through a lawn chair
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
